Soon, students will be racing to the mailbox to find the fat envelopes of elation or the skinny letters of heartbreak. Almost all will find a mixture of both. This is, of course, a stressful time for high school seniors, and parents can add to that stress or help alleviate it.

Parents can help prepare students for the college transition — and for life as adults — by gently guiding them through this process and allowing them to take ownership of admission decisions.

But who will gently guide the parents? Here, in that spirit, are a few things I would like to remind parents as they navigate the latter stages of the admission process:

• Don’t take admission decisions personally. We are looking for students who will thrive and excel at our institution, not judging your parenting.

• Allow your child to celebrate any and all acceptances. I always cringe when parents tell me their child “only got into two schools” or was “only accepted to one of his top choices.” Each and every acceptance represents four years of educational opportunities and should be met with excitement.

• If your child doesn’t get in, don’t make it seem like the end of the world. It isn’t.

Instead, teach your children to accept disappointment. A college rejection is often the first major disappointment in life. There will be many others. You will be doing your children a favor if you teach them to accept disappointment and take advantage of the opportunities they have, instead of trying to handle disappointment for them.

• Check your pronoun confusion. Remember, it’s not “we” got in, or “we” got denied. Allowing your children to take ownership will help them feel confident in their decisions and prepare them for the transition to college.

• Resist the urge to compare admission decisions with other parents. College admission is not a perfect science, and admission professionals look at a number of different factors when we make our decisions. Being accepted to a particular school doesn’t make your child any better than a friend’s child.

• Try not to influence your child’s final decision. Parents often pay the bills and therefore need to be part of the decision-making process, but ultimately it is your child who will be spending four years at this institution.

It's almost over except the waiting: Deadline season is upon us, and before you can say "spell-check" all those apps will be out the door. Like many families, you probably embraced the popular and seemingly logical approach and sent the school's own application to your first-choice school to show how much you care - assuming that your school still has its own app, and hasn't adopted the Common Application that you're planning to use for all the rest.

A few of you may have substituted the newer Universal Application for the Common App, but hey, an app's an app, right?

Except when it's a lawsuit, which the CA people have filed against the UA people, who seem to have used the same technology company that got the CA online in the late 1990s. Clearly, somebody forgot the non-compete clause.

To be fair, we're dealing with educators here, not competing blue jean manufacturers, so the initial motivation is pure enough. Seth Allen, Grinnell College Dean of Admission and Financial Aid and a member of the Common Application's board, wants "authentic information, rather than more of what's already being produced at the request of colleges," and thinks it's time to overhaul a decades-old application process to take advantage of new-technology tools. He says we can: "Harness social media technology to allow students to develop a personal profile which would replace lists of activities and letters of recommendation." Teachers and other informed spectators could post on the profile to "provide third-party perspective."

"Allow teachers to upload a student's 'best' work. . . as part of a student's permanent file." Now, I remember a general warning never to send more work samples than requested because beleaguered admissions people barely had time to read essays and they might think you're overcompensating, but isn't the joy of the web its infinite real estate? There's no such thing as a bulging folder in cyberspace, so why not include that paper discussing the symbolism of the valley of ashes in The Great Gatsby?

"In place of essays designed to learn something new about a student, develop an online characteristics test which would evaluate students on multiple dimensions such as leadership, flexibility, ambition, tolerance, sense of adventure, commitment to others and so on."

I get it, I do, and I admire the effort; this is one way to discover the diamond in the rough, the kid who has a 2400 gestalt even if he doesn't test quite that high. But remember the advice about only disclosing things on the web that you wouldn't mind sharing with the world? Somehow, standardized personality tests online give me a little paranoid parental chill.

Across cybertown, the folks at Universal Application have asked ApplicationsOnline, the technologists who used to work for CA, to tweak applications in a different way: According to ApplicationsOnline co-founder and president Josh Reiter, the mandate from the Universal App's first clients, including Harvard University, was to figure out how to connect with a specific and underserved audience which he describes as "low-income, high-academic, first generation underserved populations," while not losing the full-fare population, of course.

Reiter says that UA reaches a more diverse population because of the way it defines school membership requirements. In brief, for the civilian parental brain, UA requires only that its members follow National Association of College Admissions Counselors guidelines and that they are accredited schools; beyond that, they can ask or not ask for whatever mix of applicant information they want. Reiter implies that broader subscriber requirements make for a broader mix of schools - increasing the likelihood that a student will stumble on schools he or she hasn't thought of.

Both application services, by the way, do outreach to community groups to enlarge their applicant base.

In case you're worrying - and how could you be doing anything else at this point? - everyone swears that schools don't care which app you use, so there's no need to change horses in mid-app, to cut-and-paste and dump the whole mess into a different system. On the other hand, they believe that their respective systems work better, which leads one rather organically to the question, How can an app simultaneously not make a difference and make a difference?

Sounds to me like what summa cum laude Pomona College graduate and Rhodes scholar Kris Kristofferson called a "walking contradiction, partly truth and partly fiction," in one of his songs. But look at it this way: If the app does make a difference in your child's chances, you'll never know, and at this point, ignorance is about as close to bliss as you're going to get.

It's sweat time. High school seniors are tense with worry about getting into the colleges of their choice. Some are cramming for guidance on how to write a strong application, others are squeezing in another round of SAT/ACT testing, and all are suffering more than most adults realize.

I know what it is to sweat like that, because just a few years ago, I was one of those anxious students waiting for my future to arrive in the mail.

I made it. I'm a third-year honors student at the University of Georgia now preparing to apply to law schools. And now that I have endured the agony, I feel obligated to share some observations on the myths with which parents and their high school seniors frequently struggle.

► Myth: Only students with near-perfect GPAs, SAT/ACT scores, hundreds of hours of community service and numerous leadership positions are admitted to college.

► Fact: Yes, those "well-rounded" students are admitted to many of their top choices, but colleges don't want their student body to be composed of students who are just the same. Diversity in strengths, interests, backgrounds, geography and socioeconomic status also are important. Figure out which factors are important to each school and shape each of your applications to them, while still being true to who you are as a student. The application essay is a great opportunity to show admissions officials the dynamics of your personality and potential that numbers can't show.

► Myth: College is too expensive, and we can't afford it without tens of thousands of dollars in loans.

► Fact: Yes, tuition is rising, and the price tag is worrisome. But financial aid is available. Most low-income students are eligible for Pell Grants, a federal program that awards up to $5,350 annually and does not have to be repaid. The government has approved increasing the amount of the grants and the number of students eligible for them.

In Georgia, residents with a cumulative college-prep GPA of 3.0 or higher (or a technical-prep GPA of 3.2 or higher) automatically are eligible for HOPE scholarships to cover tuition and some fees for four years at an in-state public school, or $3,000 per semester at a private school.

Schools also offer scholarships. By maintaining high grades, I have paid my way and will graduate without debt. Consider scholarship applications as a part-time job that possibly could pay much more than minimum wage.

► Myth: I should apply to as many schools as possible. Not necessarily true.

► Fact: Students should apply to six to eight schools, according to many college admissions experts.

Include one or two "safety" schools, two to four "overall good matches" and one or two "reach" schools. Don't limit yourself by applying to only one school.

► Myth: Everyone should apply to prestigious, highly ranked schools.

► Fact: Apply to schools by considering appealing majors, student life, size, distance away from home, research opportunities and cost.

Take advantage of nearby community schools to prepare for a four-year college. Community colleges offer smaller classes, low tuition and vast opportunities for transferring to other schools.

President Obama transferred from a small community college to Columbia University and later went to Harvard Law School. Your possibilities are endless.

It's the season when high school seniors frantically sweat over the essays for their college applications. Many are spending more time second guessing themselves than getting words on paper. Should they stick strictly to the word limit -- or will admissions officers overlook an extra sentence or two? Should they write about their recent trip abroad -- or is that topic overused?

The process doesn't have to be so nerve-wracking. For those in the midst of readying their essays, here are a few simple tips:

Let your honest voice shine through. Don't write to impress. Don't try to sound intelligent by using big words. Write to express an idea as clearly as you possibly can. If you can throw in some humor along the way, all the better. Above all, strive to be real.

Think small. Go ahead and write about your trip abroad, if it's a compelling moment in your life. But don't tell the college admissions people that you "enriched" your life by that trip. Tell them a story about something you saw on the trip that intrigued you, changed you, made you think a little more deeply about yourself and the world. No matter what topic you choose, try to begin by focusing on the small moment, rather than the large. Small moments illustrate larger points - and everyone loves a good story.

Don't hesitate to admit that you don't have all the answers. Maybe you're grappling with your parents' divorce. Or perhaps you're focusing on a friendship that went sour. Maybe you still can't figure out exactly what those incidences mean in your life. That's OK. Explain what you learned from these events, but admit that you still don't have all the answers. It will show that you are a thinking, growing human being.

Make sure every sentence serves your point. College essays are generally short; you don't have time for detours. If you're wondering if you need a particular word or sentence, you probably don't. Delete it. If the piece reads fine without it, you made the right decision.

And yes, stick to the word limit. If a college requires 250 words, don't send 350. Admissions people want to know you will honor their needs - and let's face it, if you were reading hundreds of essays in a season, you wouldn't appreciate someone who thinks you will be so intrigued by their work that you won't notice how long it is.

Take a deep breath and relax. If you write an essay that sincerely represents who you are, it will be well-received at the college that's right for you. And isn't that where you want to be anyway?

1. Get to know your teachers and college advisors. Teacher recommendations are very important. The difference between a teacher who raves about you and one who gives a tepid endorsement can be key.

2. Take the tough science courses. This will help you decide whether medical school is right for you.

3. Take an SAT prep course and work at expanding your vocabulary. Selective schools want you to have a 1400. (But if they know that your parents did not go to college, and you did not grow up in a home that expanded your knowledge and vocabulary, you can get away with a 1200.)

4. Develop one or two deep interests. Colleges are not necessarily looking for well -rounded applicants with lots of interests. Instead, they want to create a diverse community with students who have strong individual interests. So use ninth and tenth grade as a time to try many activities to see which ones you most enjoy. Then concentrate on achieving some success or depth of knowledge/experience in the one or two areas you like best. Try to have a leadership position, if possible by your senior year.

5. Practice your essay writing techniques. You have several years to find the right topic for your college admissions essay: one that grabs the reader up front and tells something important about who you are. But it's never too early to start becoming a good essay writer. Admissions officers read 15-20 essays a day, so they appreciate good writing and a topic that isn't boring. They probably read 100 essays on "How I discovered poverty on my summer vacation in Costa Rica," so you have years to come up with something more creative.

If you have paid a college tuition bill recently, perhaps the sticker shock has abated and your children have been good enough to friend you on Facebook so you can see what they are doing on your dime.

What probably still lingers, however, is the desire to ask some pointed questions of the people who are doing the educating. Where does all that money go? And why can’t the price tag fall for a change?

Earlier this year, the National Association of Independent Colleges and Universities announced with some pride that the average increase in tuition and fees at private institutions this school year would be the smallest in 37 years — 4.3 percent, just a little higher than inflation.

Is this where we are supposed to stand up and cheer?

To get some perspective, I set out to find a college president with an M.B.A. and some experience outside the academy. I found one at Lafayette College in Easton, Pa. Its president, Daniel H. Weiss, is an expert in medieval art, but he also worked as a management consultant at Booz Allen Hamilton. So he knows his way around a corporate restructuring.

Lafayette does not have the strongest name recognition and tries to set itself apart through its location near both New York City and Philadelphia, its strong engineering program and liberal arts offerings, and by being one of the smallest colleges to compete in N.C.A.A. Division I athletics.

That it is not a top-tier college by most measures, however, makes Lafayette an excellent test case as it and other private colleges cross the $50,000 annual cost threshold in shaky economic times.

Public universities will always appeal on price, and Wellesley and Harvard are likely to remain oversubscribed forever. But Lafayette and colleges like it could have trouble justifying themselves and their cost soon, and the resistance may not simply pass once the economy improves.

Tuition costs have gone in only one direction — up — during Mr. Weiss’s career. “I genuinely believe that we are at a crossroads here in higher education,” he said. “I think we have reached a ceiling that we’re beginning to bump into.”

Mr. Weiss has not had to make any drastic budget cuts so far. He has frozen many salaries, cut some hours in the student dining halls and scaled back a few building projects.

This will seem rather tame to anyone who has lived through even a medium-grade corporate revamping. “We haven’t been good at cutting when we add,” said Robert Massa, Lafayette’s new vice president for communications, speaking of colleges in general. “We just add.”

Rising tuition and income from endowments have made this possible. But the unique structure of universities has also made it inconvenient to do otherwise. “In some ways, higher education is more like a political environment than the management of a private corporation,” Mr. Weiss said. Except that thanks to tenure, it is difficult to vote anyone out of office. Still, he added, “Alienating some of your faculty members, if you can avoid it, is something you shouldn’t be doing.”

This is just one of the reasons why it is so hard to make big cuts to a college’s budget and reduce tuition in turn. Here are some others:

CUTTING DEPARTMENTS

The political challenges with faculty make something as seemingly simple and obvious as cutting expensive and undersubscribed academic departments pretty hard. In fact, Mr. Weiss could not remember the last time Lafayette had done such a thing.

But such cuts are practically inevitable for programs that have fewer students. “Fine arts has studio-based production, so capital and facility costs are high,” said Jane Wellman, executive director of the nonprofit group Delta Project on Postsecondary Education Costs, Productivity and Accountability, speaking of colleges in general. “Piano tutoring is pretty much one to one in a room with a piano. Pianos are expensive. Agriculture is expensive because of the lab costs, which means a barn.”

An English student, however, is generally a profit center. “They’re paying for the chemistry major and the music major and faculty research,” she said. “They don’t want to talk about it in institutions, because the English department gets mad. The little ugly facts about cross-subsidies are inflammatory, so they get papered over.”

About all Mr. Weiss will say about this is that he agrees that Lafayette needs to do a better job of discriminating between the things it can and cannot do well. He is too good on the politics to single out any department. But there is little doubt that he and administrators like him will need to give up on some foreign languages, minor sciences or parts of the arts pretty soon.

FACULTY PRODUCTIVITY

Professors at Lafayette teach five classes a year over two semesters and work with students on their independent research projects. At some colleges and universities, the number of classes is lower and at others it is higher. Couldn’t Lafayette lower costs by demanding that the faculty perform less research and teach one additional class?

Q: I am going to be applying to college this year. What are the most important things colleges are looking for in applicants?

A: Each college or university evaluates applicants in slightly different ways, so I will offer some general guidelines.

Usually, the most important part of an application is the high school transcript because it represents four years of your work.

Admissions officers are not simply looking at the grades you received, but also which courses you took. Generally, they want to see that you took the most challenging courses you could handle.

It's a bit of a sliding scale — some students can handle taking many AP courses and still have time for other activities, but others participate in many extracurricular activities and only handle a few AP courses. Admissions officers do their best to evaluate your transcript in light of your particular situation.

However, the bottom line is that they want to see that you have earned good grades in challenging courses.

After the high school transcript, the second most important part of your application is your standardized test scores. Your scores on the SAT or ACT and your SAT Subject Test scores can be very important because they allow admissions officers to compare you to applicants from different high schools.

Earning an "A" at one high school might be a lot easier than earning an "A" at another high school, but standardized tests are the same for everyone.

The other important parts are your extracurricular activities, your application essay and your letters of recommendation. It's important to have participated in some excellent extracurricular activities and have taken leadership roles.

The application essay has become increasingly important in recent years, so make sure to do a great job on it. It can make the difference between two applicants who have similar grades and standardized test scores.

For recommendation letters, ask teachers that you are pretty confident will write glowingly about you. It can be a major red flag to admissions officers if the teachers write negative letters.

Q: I'm going to be starting my senior year of high school soon. Many of my friends and classmates began planning for college years ago, but I simply was not ready then. Now that college applications are going to be due in a few months, I feel like I am really behind. Have I waited too long to begin the college admissions process?

A: The short answer is you can still have a productive college application season, but you are going to have to be very focused and organized. I would recommend working with a college counselor.

Many students begin the college admissions process before senior year, which typically leads to a less stressful college application season. However, since you are just beginning your college search, you have traded less stress in earlier years for more stress now.

Hopefully, you took the SAT or the ACT during your junior year. It's always good to take these tests during your junior year so you can retake them in the fall of your senior year if you don't like the score.

I also hope you have taken the necessary high school courses to be admitted to the college of your choice.

You will want to sit down with a knowledgeable person as soon as possible to help you develop a good list of schools to apply to. A college counselor can help you find the right school based on your high school transcripts, standardized test scores, extracurricular interests and other criteria.

Once the list is made, start researching the schools. Their Web sites are a good place to start, along with any mailed materials they have sent you.

However, college Web sites and brochures are designed to entice you to attend. So, in addition to surfing the Web and sending away for materials, you should look through guidebooks to get an unbiased view of the colleges that interest you.

Once you have done the research from home, it is very important to try to visit the colleges in person. While books and Web sites will provide many details, there's no substitute for seeing the school for yourself.

Because you are planning the next four years of your life, don't haphazardly throw together a few applications the night before they are due and hope for the best. Find a good college counselor and make a plan so that you have the best opportunity for success.